Summer’s End/ Time Flies
When summer starts and there is hardly a demand to be anywhere except swim team at 5 PM, life feels so relaxed. The pool is full of kids; there is an active yet peaceful atmosphere on every level. However, right about now, less than 2 weeks before school starts the sleeping-in is filling me with unease and the kids are basically done swimming for the season; I’m ready for a routine.
Unfortunately this fall our new normal is more than any of us are ready for; Travis is going away. It’s been the best 18 years of my life, I have wanted nothing more than to be home raising children and I am so thankful I have had this incredible opportunity. I, like many women am caught in between the joy I feel for my son, concerning the adventure that waits, and the deep sense of loss I am experiencing as my nest becomes dismantled.
He’ll be 18 next week and he and I have spent a fair amount of time together this summer. I seem to have morphed back from an uncool nag to someone of value. It’s great to enjoy one another. Travis a really incredible individual who is gentle and patient like his dad, with much of the kindness I inherited from my parents. I am truly baffled that for pleasure he reads Kafka, Mark Twain and James Joyce (honestly we have no idea where that came from). He wears a full beard and has a unique sense of style. He is about to be able to drink legally and while there will be a bit of discovery on the new horizons, we’ve not been so strict that this will be altogether foreign. We have done the best we could to prepare him concerning his genetic makeup; we have alcoholism from so many angles.
Today we send our 16 year old off to Ghana with a group from church. This is a more obviously a God-thing than anything else in my life. He wanted to go and has been going to church each week, on his own for meetings with his team, he’s written testimonies and studied scripture. This is a lot from a young man whose foundation was rattled a year ago when he began to grapple with how an omniscient God could allow his mama to suffer so. He seems to have joined many of us in celebrating the increased faith that most of us have gained through this suffering. Brooks got his license and is still smiling from that!
Blake had a summer full of LAX successes. He’s a natural in the goal and people are taking note. He was asked to several tournaments and events. One was in Lake Placid where he went on a bus with the team and in addition to playing LAX in Lake Placid, he went whitewater rafting, cliff jumping and did some good ole male bonding. He’s not where Travis is yet in the discovering I’m all right to hang with. He’s spending as much time out of the house or asleep as he possibly can. I know he loves me though. We are probably off today to get a kitten to replace the one that was stolen two years ago.
Lego! Why didn’t invest in Legos years ago? Toys come and go but there is nothing each one of my boys has loved like Legos and I think this child is saturated in his passion for the plastic pieces. He doesn’t read like the others and that makes me sad but he plays by himself (at least in our minds he’s by himself) for hours with his Lego’s. He’s as sweet as always but I can see how he is preparing for adolescence. It’s been a miracle that he’s remained as innocent as he has with all the teenage things that surround him. He’ll be nine this fall. We developed a tradition of watching some TV together while I was sick, and he is hooked on Monk. It appeals to his sense of order. He’s very independent, yet we are still very attached. Daddy is taking his rightful spot in Grady’s life. In fact Daddy is taking his spot in everyone around here’s life, we all admire him so.
The cancer calmed Tom down; his motivation to work is being challenged be by his desire to live (and be with me). He was right there with me staring death in face; we know how fleeting our days are here. We are both seeing what makes us tick and going after it, what’s so cool is that we are on the same page. His hard work has paid off and while he’s not walking away from it, he is probably looking at life from a new vantage point.
Don’t ask about cancer or I’ll tell you about my current bowel imperfections and the lingering neuropathy. Other than that we have moved on! In addition to a heart ache/pride about what’s happening to my family I am enjoying the days. I am also feeling the pressure I have missed for the past year, it was easier laying in bed on Oxy-everything but that’s not what anyone really wants. I’m not blogging like I was but it’s not because I am not writing. I am writing the novel God has called me to write. Set in 1922, it will explore the travesty and ultimate redemption that is brought into a family through abuse. Inspired by an event that crushed my heart, this experience is cathartic as well as truly a calling from God. I am doing a great deal of research and realizing how much work is required, but I am doing this unto the Lord. This is the verse he has giving me:
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, Isaiah 61:1
When we learn that He doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called this is the perfect example. I am giving it my all and preparing for it to become a hit movie! Additionally I am getting asked to speak and it’s amazing because I am bursting at the seams to do so. I know it’s hard to believe but I don’t have ADD any more and while I may not be organizing every closet, I am able to focus and stay on track like never before. (No it wasn’t the Chemo, it was the Immunocal)
So we are planning a trip to Ireland to go visit Travis this fall. We got tickets to go see Van Morrison over there! I am hoping we will be able to go on a bike ride while we are there so we are in indirect training with our choice of exercise.
So that’s the news from NAPtown. Please let us know how you are, and thanks as always for all your precious care.