Uncontrolled Gratitude
For a few months now I have been physically here, but in many ways, mentally I have been in a bit of another world. Perhaps I have been fleeing pain or contemplating what cancer could possibly bring my way but as I slowly begin to come back to the world, the bounty of recent blessings is overwhelming. From meals, flowers, cards, texts, calls, gifts, rides, time, money, tears, hugs and of greatest personal value prayers, it is beginning to sink in that I have truly been bunkered down in a massive barricade of boon for the past few months. What I am beginning to realize is almost inconceivable.
Someone asked me today if I could feel all the prayer and to be honest, I had to say no. I couldn’t feel it or God, which may be why it’s hitting me so powerfully today. The lack of feeling God’s presence and the prayer support has been in true contrast to past experiences. When my forth son spent his first days on life-support in the NICU, after his lung collapsed at birth, I could feel the prayer in a tangible way. This past trial however, required lots of faith; I could not feel the prayer or God’s presence. I was reliant on what I know is true and while it didn’t feel the way I might have hoped, it most certainly sufficed.
What is sinking in now is the blessed protection I have had from terror and the emotional crisis, that I could have experienced if I was not so completely confident that people were banging on the doors of Heaven on my behalf. The surgery alone was four or so hours and I could have wandered down a mental rabbit trail of what-ifs but I never lost a moment of sleep as I rested in what is now becoming something I am astounded over. My recent trial has been void of worry and fear because I have been convinced that you were praying for me and I want to say thank you. I am convinced that each and every little prayer worked together to provide the most incredible security for me.
I hope you won’t hesitate to ask me for prayer, and I hope by now you realize how unbelievably effective it is. I would love to ask for continued prayer as I am still recovering, but most of all I want to say a huge and hearty thank you!
6 responses to “Uncontrolled Gratitude”
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Charlotte,
I am so happy that you are doing much better. Thank you for sharing your life with us. We have learned so much from seeing your walk with the Lord. You have inspired us so much to completely trust Him and to not go by our feelings. May the Lord continue to bless you and your beautiful family!
Praying was the easy bit…..you did (and continue to do) the hard bit……..nobody will stop until you are completely better – FACT! xx
Your words answer my prayers for you. Your mind is grounded in faith. Sometimes, we are tested beyond the “noise level” our bodies can handle: physical and emotional pain twists our guages to the stops. I call that “The Wall,” as in when I hit the wall in 1974, 1984, 1994 (is there a pattern here?), 1999 (nope, nothing so simple). Each time I hit the wall, the pain overwhelms and no more is possible, because more would take me over the precipice. You have been there, sister. And you clearly know who is your rock and foundation, your shield, and the horn of your salvation. I rejoice with you and your family and friends.
Your brother in Christ,
Rick
I just love you Charlotte and so appreciate you realness and frank honesty. I’m always praying for you and your family.
You are so welcome. You will remain in my prayers until I see you out running around chasing butterflies! Yes, you have been in a protective bubble created by all the loving prayers that were being said for you. Now that the pain is easing up you are free to breathe in all the goodness that surrounds you. May God’s blessings continue to fill you and you and your family.
Charlotte, thank you for sharing your walk with us. Your story of your life prior to being born again could have been taken from my own life’s story – it just took me over 40 years to fall into His arms; I know He will never let me go! Throughout severe health issues this past year, acute stroke for my husband at age 56, my diagnosis of breast cancer, double mastectomy and following procedures, His strong voice was a constant, “You will be okay, no matter what. I have plans for you.” These are the words I will forever live by. My God’s blessings be with you and your family always.