Sincerely Thankful for Cancer
I write to you from an airplane on my way to Jamaica, for a short, sweet getaway with the man of my dreams! I never tasted life the way I do today, I have to say I’m increasingly thankful for the path God has put me on. Simple tasks like running errands, eating salad, exercising and being around to have my boys make me laugh are of great value to me these days. I’ve gone all out, turning over leaf after leaf, uncovering new styles of dress, an increased sense of adventure, original ways of spending my pastimes, and sincerely relating to those with physical handicaps.
How shallow things were for me six months ago; appearance prevailed. I had no comprehension of how one might live the life I live today. Before my diagnosis, I bounded out of bed, greeting each day, full of energy and zest. I’d huff and puff, hour after hour, racking up accomplishments, never stopping, until my head hit the pillow where I’d lay lifeless, until I was ready to greet the next day. Though I enjoyed it all, I never stopped to soak up the experiences or to capture the opportunities out there. I never watched TV, forgoing the inspiration I’ve recently received to cook, travel and embrace history. I never blurted out “I love you” the way I do today, or embraced the curves that are part of the body God gave me. I listened a lot less and I judged a lot more.
Yesterday I went out shopping for my trip. Shopping is something I have never enjoyed but I want to change my style up, a lot! As I picked items, which I’ve never felt confident in before, like ultra high strappy heals, fitted jeans and a belt (to go along with my new dark nail color and trendy short hair) I saw a woman in a wheel chair. She had no legs period, nothing. In the past I might have pitied her and looked the other way, but not now, I paused, I observed her as a woman, realizing that is her life, she’ll never have legs and I wondered how does she do it, how does it feel? There were other people with visible handicaps in the mall and a part of me wanted to jump out and say, “Hey, I have an ostomy bag, I’m in the middle of chemo… I can relate to what it is like to have medical devices as part of our everyday life.” My handicap is pretty well hidden from the public; my cancer is not obvious either, (unlike the man at my last two chemo appointments, who has a tumor that looks like a volleyball in his neck).
I am more thankful than ever for my cancer. I feel like I was redirected from whom I was, to who I want to be, in six short months. “One day” arrived unexpectedly and I could no longer put off my dreams. One can say goodbye to any ruts that have developed in life when you get a cancer diagnosis, that’s for certain. Immediately you are placed on a fast track, life as you knew it, just moments before your diagnosis, dissolves into history. Before you know what hit you, you are places you never dreamed you’d go, you are laying in machines you never really knew existed and you are swiftly educated in the world of life saving medicine. Relationship stress disperses like ashes and blows into eternity as you appreciate how irreplaceable and valuable your family are. People come out of the woodwork and begin lavishing you with love and care, in ways that you never knew were humanly possible. You see the world through eyes of “what if?” and you discover that relationships (except with God) have an end point.
What about you? Are you in a storm, on a path that God chose for you that you wish He hadn’t. What are you gleaning from it? Tell me about your gratitude and the new experiences you are having.
I love you and value your presence in my journey like you can’t imagine.
8 responses to “Sincerely Thankful for Cancer”
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I agree with you that there is so much to learn from these testing experiences and I am so happy that you are reaching your full potential in life and breathing in all the blessings that God has for you. God bless you, Charlotte. Have fun with the “love of your life”.
Charlotte:
It’s been such an inspiration traveling this journey with you in your writing. Your ability to embrace even cancer is a direct result from your determination to cling to a Savior no matter what your circumstances. Where he leads, I will follow… and your willingness to follow him into the “valley of the shadow of death” inspires my determination to trust him as well. Thank you, thank you for your heart that is so passionate for him. We’ve all been touched in eternal ways through your honesty and genuine love for God. It is a privilege to know you. Have a wonderful time with your husband… you both deserve it!!
I always feel inspired reading your blog. Thank you for sharing and for being such a great example! Have a wonderful time! God bless!
So glad you are on this adventure with your Valentine, not just the trip to Jamaica, but the life adventure. Marriage endurance will bring you closer to God as well. Many years of growth, love, health and happiness. I love you!
Hi Charlotte,
You’ve been in my prayers recently for a variety of reasons. 1) Just had lunch with my dear friend Linda who seven years ago was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. Now 50 years old, she’s even more beautiful than before because of all she has been through. Be encouraged! 2) Recently had coffee with my friend Julie Coleman and she shared with me the gold she sees in you now.
And 3) yesterday I had my routine colonoscopy, required since colon cancer runs in my family. I can so relate to your blog here. I appear very able bodied but was injured in an auto accident. Left with an unstable neck and muscle damage to my back and shoulder, this once rock-climbing body finds it challenging to go shopping. But I look fine!
The hardest part of my colonoscopy was having to be off of my pain meds for the week prior, and now my neck recovering from whatever contorted position they had me in. Next time I take my own pillows! ;:0)
Even so, I’m grateful for the chance to prevent cancer. And even more grateful for the Lord’s love and fatihfulness that sees us through our individual journeys for his glory. Have a wonderful time in Jamaica!
Grace and Peace.
Charlotte you are nothing short of amazing lady!! I love your heart for God and for honesty. Thank you for sharing your journey with us and enjoy your new look and your much-deserved trip with your hubby! <3
I am so inspired when you write. Someone said to me last Sunday that backsliding is subtle. Hearing your testimony makes me want to jump out of bed in the morning in spite of how I feel. I don’t want the principalities and powers of this present darkness to succeed. Thank you for allowing us the privilidge of traveling this road with you Charlotte.
I’d like to say amen to this…”I feel like I was redirected from whom I was, to who I want to be, in six short months. “One day” arrived unexpectedly and I could no longer put off my dreams.”…hoping this finds you with your calendar marked with time for reading, writing, and working on the “speaker’ Charlotte. Blessings…n