April 6, 2013
What I wasn’t prepared for was that while I was fighting for my life, there was a group of loved ones, under my roof, who were watching me suffer, up close and personal. I know they heard me groan when it felt as though burning, shattered glass was expanding within my rectum. I know they heard me cry and vomit. They saw staples hold my skin together and chemo drip into my hurting body.
February 8, 2013
I have also shifted my gaze to the world, especially in this season. It is not what I wanted, envisioned or worked hard to accomplish. With my eyes focused on my circumstances life got heavy and depressing. I got self-conscious, insecure and critical...Like a crocus through a winter storm, I’m poking through.
January 30, 2013
I know He wants me to spend time with Him but I don’t want to, I’m mad. I’m mad that my teenagers seemingly hate me, though I have devoted so much to them. I am exasperated, disillusioned and frankly feeling severe heartache. So I sit here across from my Bible study refusing to open it because I’m heartbroken. I have faced a lot of hardships in my years but feeling rejection from my children has to be the most painful.
January 2, 2013
Tremendous sorrow grows in a heart that feels abandoned to one’s addiction. If you don't love someone who suffers with addiction, you are possibly in denial or you are living an extremely unique life. The pain of addiction can be all consuming, it destroys quality of existence and often can be life threatening. It is tempting to explain to an addict that if they would just stop using, the destruction will stop, plain and simple. Tragically that is not how it works. It is hard to understand that addiction is not a choice, an addict is actually powerless over it.
December 31, 2012
Christians know Matthew 6:14 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but living it out is a different story. I’m learning that the hard way. I realize I have allowed seeds of bitterness to grow and take firm root in my heart. As a result, grudges have begun to blossom in my heart shading the glow of God’s Holy Spirit. But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.' Matthew 15:18 Boy have I had unclean responses lately from my mouth and through my actions, towards anyone who has hurt me. Satan has been successfully retelling me of the times I lost self-control. Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control. Proverbs 25:28