Self Perception
February 4, 2012
Attitude Transformation
Mind over matter is my new MO. So far it’s working. The power of the mind was very evident the last Tuesday when I went in for chemo; I almost got sick right in the waiting room. I told the psychiatric nurse, who told me many people vomit when they get in the building and one patient did it when they saw the building from down the street. I knew I wasn't sick from the chemo, as I hadn't had it in a month, so I learned how powerful my mind is. That being said, I developed a new mindset after I got my second opinion, I am on board with my last six treatments. If I must go to bed after chemo I will, but I will no longer assume I must rest! When I was little we were literally not allowed to get sick, “Sorry we don’t have time,” my mom constantly told us, and it worked!
January 31, 2012
He Loves me…he loves me not…
Am I loved? Like an anchor holding a boat through all kinds of weather, our attachment to our children is steady and strong. Some days are peaceful but occasionally there is trouble. Rivalry sparks carless wounds; somehow we just keep caring for and believing in them. We may discipline them, but in our hearts we have grace for the bumps in their road, because we are their parent. That is just a glimpse of how God feels about us. Our kids didn’t earn our love, and yet the first time we lay eyes on them we were overcome with powerful adoration. Can you imagine how God felt when He designed you, when He knit you together in your mother’s womb? Omniscient God was aware of all of our imperfections from the very beginning of time, but He wasn’t making perfect, He was making people with unique traits and gifts, that set us apart from any other person, and He knew we’d blow it.
October 22, 2011
So You Finally Got a Sense of Humor About Your Bag
Ohhhhh… let me tell you it’s no fun having a plastic pouch attached to my midsection (24/7), filling up with waste, waking me up at night because it’s like a blown-up balloon attached to my body and no matter how tired I am I must get up, empty it, fill it with lubricating deodorant, wash my hands and climb back in bed, possibly not falling back asleep for over an hour. But…
October 14, 2011
Woe Is Me (caution, this may just be too much information for you!)
As I begin weaning off the drugs that have masked my pain for the past three months, my body is none too happy. This week has been full of feeling ill, cold sweats, aches, pains and tears flowing abundantly. “I don’t want cancer,” I’ve blubbered (as if anyone really does). I don’t feel despair, but as my ability to feel has resurfaced and pain has been apart of it. The radiation seems to have indeed instigated menopause and I am frustrated with my life with a bag. It is messy and obvious; it makes me feel really weird when I’m unclothed. I have always been so comfortable in my flesh but now I feel like I have to hide my stomach that has this plastic bag hanging off of it. Not to mention chemo is creeping up and so is more blood work and scans. I sort of feel like a lab rat!
September 14, 2011
Beyond What We Could Ask or Imagine
Writing is still very difficult, because of the painkillers, but I really want keep you abreast of how things are going. There is a lot of inactivity; physical activity hurts and mental activity is nearly impossible because of the meds (miraculously, I am content laying in my bed). I am going to pull it together and write an itinerary so that you will know how to pray for me this week. Knowing that you are covering the details for me in prayer will provide me with the security, for a completely peaceful operatio
August 30, 2011
Painful Metamorphosis
I shutter to share my deepest thoughts with you because I don’t want to upset you, but I was determined from the get-go to be authentic. (If you continue reading, and you are the type to fret, I sincerely ask that you stop right now and call upon God for His strength to transform every feeling of fear you have, into a prayer; otherwise you are not allowed to continue reading!) If you need a reminder about the unlessness of worry, please visit Please Pray for/ Worry About Me Charlotte’s Heart July 2011. Right now, the pain is pretty constant, sometimes it is so bad that I’d truly rather die than live with it any longer. I know that sounds dreadful, but it’s true. It seems indefinite at this point (at least until I have the whole kit and caboodle surgically removed on 9/20/11). I am however, headed to the doctor today to see if there is anything more/different we can do. I don’t think anyone really expected me to feel this way, but then again I am only the fifth person in
