December 28, 2012
When I was first diagnosed with cancer I was already going to great lengths to keep chemicals out and nutrition in my body. I was one of the last people you would guess would get cancer. It has been noted that perhaps part of the reason I fared so well was because of all the care I had taken prior to my treatment. I am certain the integrative approach that I incorporated into my healing kept me feeling stronger during and after treatment. The first thing I did was clear my plate of all responsibility. If I was to be here in the long run I was going to have to protect myself from stress. When I realized I needed to put radiation and chemotherapy into the body I worked so hard to protect, I was horrified. I resisted conventional therapy at first. I was ready to go to Mexico, Arizona etc. to nurture my body with vitamin IV’s, juicing and other alternative therapies. I now believe my stage 3+ cancer needed the big guns. Consequently I developed a fantastic respect for convention
May 25, 2012
It’s been a long time since I’ve been here. On one hand I feel a bit guilty for keeping to myself, but on the other hand I am so liberated to be putting first things first. For example I am not feeling pressure to write, and I need that break right now. I have given myself permission to just live, and boy am I appreciating it. I’ve not been writing, but it is not because I have forgotten about you and how you have loved me through it, you cannot fathom my gratitude, but I am just defragmenting (computer lingo for getting rid of things that aren’t necessary so the things that are necessary work more efficiently).
March 10, 2012
One week before I began chemo a dear friend, who happens to be an RN and shares my faith, insisted she come over with something for me. “You have to take this,” she said, “I’m giving you this box of product, and you must take it.” Anyone on the cancer circuit knows that loved ones come out of the woodwork with cures and remedies that you “must try”. We also know in a very short amount of time we begin to filter out almost all suggestions that aren’t coming from our primary care takers (whether they be alternative or conventional). So when my friend, who holds clout on the conventional route that I’m on, because of her nursing background and her unfortunate familiarity with cancer (she has lost almost her entire immediate family) showed up insisting I take this product, I complied.
March 4, 2012
Tomorrow I go in for treatment number four (I have begun counting down), next will be three etc. I have to be very careful when I think/talk about my chemo as it can make me sick simply by bringing it up (that is evidently very normal). I’ve got a bit of a routine going, and thus far I’ve opted to go alone. Lots of people have offered to come but it’s truly dismal so I’ve rejected the offers. I also like the freedom of the morning as I have over two hours to kill between my blood work and the actual treatment (which takes over three hours). That’s my last two hours of feeling well for a week or so.
February 4, 2012
Mind over matter is my new MO. So far it’s working. The power of the mind was very evident the last Tuesday when I went in for chemo; I almost got sick right in the waiting room. I told the psychiatric nurse, who told me many people vomit when they get in the building and one patient did it when they saw the building from down the street. I knew I wasn't sick from the chemo, as I hadn't had it in a month, so I learned how powerful my mind is. That being said, I developed a new mindset after I got my second opinion, I am on board with my last six treatments. If I must go to bed after chemo I will, but I will no longer assume I must rest! When I was little we were literally not allowed to get sick, “Sorry we don’t have time,” my mom constantly told us, and it worked!
January 12, 2012
Here’s what I had hoped to get from my second opinion, “After getting to know you, and factoring into account the measures you are taking to implement a healthy lifestyle, I can see that this chemo regimen is appropriate for most people, but is overkill for you. I think you should celebrate what you’ve done thus far, make an appointment with your surgeon to get your ostomy reversed and get back to life.” The reality was she spent over an hour with us, sincerely listened, and handed me a box of tissues, as I cried when she concurred with the previously prescribed protocol. She agreed that I should go ahead with the next seven rounds of chemo.