Not What I Hoped
Here’s what I had hoped to get from my second opinion, “After getting to know you, and factoring into account the measures you are taking to implement a healthy lifestyle, I can see that this chemo regimen is appropriate for most people, but is overkill for you. I think you should celebrate what you’ve done thus far, make an appointment with your surgeon to get your ostomy reversed and get back to life.”
The reality was she spent over an hour with us, sincerely listened, and handed me a box of tissues, as I cried when she concurred with the previously prescribed protocol. She agreed that I should go ahead with the next seven rounds of chemo.
My heart hurt worse on the way home from that appointment than it did when I found out I had cancer to begin with; I was so hopeful. The bottom line is God is God and He will provide for me. I am really sad but I know He loves me and will not let me go. This may not be what I consider green pastures but He promised to lead me to still waters and though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil.
I will call my chemo oncologist in the morning and tell her why I skipped chemo this week and I will schedule my next round. I will go to the Wellness House where I will meet other people who share my misery and who can offer me hope. I will let people know that even though I look good on the outside, I still desperately need prayers and support. I will accept that my bed and I are not done and I will get through this.
22 responses to “Not What I Hoped”
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Remember all the ladies in WWP are supporting you. I am glad you are going to the Wellness House. You are in my prayers. You CAN do this.
Dearest Charlotte, I will pray for you daily. I pray at the Wellness House you will get the Hope and encouragement you need. I am sort of dense what way can I support you? I Love Girlfriends for God, Hang on to GOd , burying your head in his shoulder blade. Enjoy the break. God bless you and may you strongly feel our Lord’s loving arm. Listen at this moment “There will be a day” remember the angels hold your tears in their hands.
So Sincerely , Suzanne
Dear Charlotte,
Although we haven’t met, I’m following your journey and you are an amazing woman of God. He will be your all in all. Blessings….
My dearest Charlotte, I love you so much, dear friend. (((Hugs))) Love, Jen
Charlotte -
My heart bleeds with yours, friend. I hate cancer. Hate the life it steals. Hate that you and your family are gripped by it’s sting. I’m really sorry that your mountain just got a bit steeper… and yet, as quickly as I type that I have to also type that I praise God that you don’t have to scale this mountain alone. He is faithful. Even when it hurts.
LOVE and PRAYERS to you!!!
Gwen
Breast Cancer Survivor 10 + years. Charlotte you are an inspiration to many. God has so much still in store for you. Your strength is amazing and though your body will at times feel weak to breaking your heart and soul are strong. Accept those hugs and helps from your friends… they are Gods treasures to you and you are God’s treasure to all of us who are following your story. Many Many Blessings, Love your sister in Christ and Survival
BONNIE
Charlotte,
I am sorry that you have to go through more chemo. I believe, as you do, that the this is part of His wonderful plan for you, but I also know that doesn’t make it easy to bear. I will pray for you! You are a very sweet woman with a dear heart. You really are such an amazing example of what a woman of God should be. Thank you again for sharing your journey with us.
Diane
Charlotte, don’t lose hope!
Hi Sweetie:
I’m very proud of you. I believe, and pray, that God will be with you and walk with you through the remaining chemo, just as He has been with you all your life. I love you more than I can possibly tell you. You are in my prayers and thoughts.
Dad
I wish your chemo was finished. I wish for you that your 2nd opinion had been different. Praying for you to have strength to do what you must! You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Charlotte you are in my prayers, & if you need anything please let me know.
Dear Charlotte,
I am with you in spirit…I know that we just met, but because of your openness I feel like I know you so well!
God will use this for His glory! Thank you for all your prayers…our group prayers really have amazed me and they will you too…I am sure.
Love Louise
Kelly my husband had stage 4 cancer of the tonsil…lying on the sofa in his “bubble of misery”…we thought it would never end…but end it did and like you are gonna do…he kicked cancer’s @$$!….so little, Charlotte…all of us in the big state of Texas are sending you big Prayers and Huge healing light…and will continue to watch ..as you to Kick @$$….Cancer does not stand a chance! Stay Strong! xx charner
Dear Name Sister,
Prayers will continue for you and many who put on their “pretty” face to hide their pain from the world. Your strength is beyond human. Thank you for sharing your journey. You have inspired so many. Prayers for comfort and peace in the coming weeks. Hugs, Charlotte
So sorry this is not what you really wanted, but I think it’s fairly clear that the plan is for you to get well and stick around for a lot of years yet! We all wish we could take away your pain and misery from the chemo but if this is the path to a healthy you then I guess it has to be…….7 more to go…..you can do it……you are the strongest lady I have ever met and your faith will most definitely get you through this. Keep strong, lean on your wonderful Tom for a bit longer and it will all be over soon. My faith is nowhere near as strong as yours but I have a very strong feeling that you are doing the right thing xx
Charlotte,
You are a strong and brillant women. Your faith, the power of your mind and your wonderful family will get you through this. Seven months in the grand scheme of things is not very much time .Always think of how far you have come and how much prayer and support walks with you every day. So glad you have found Wellness House. You remain in my prayers
I admire you for questioning and I am so proud of you for taking the hard road. It will suck, but you will prevail, it will be over and you won’t have to wonder if you did the right thing. My oldest daughter, Katie, said the other day “mom, I feel like I know Ms. Charlotte because I pray for her every day.” I hope some time when you are in Austin she really gets to know you because you are an inspiration for all. xo ea
Dear sweet sister Charlotte, I will continue to lift you up boldly to His throne of grace. I know without a shadow of doubt that He will sustain you throughout this and will make you stronger than ever. You will have quite a testimony and He will use you to comfort many others from this experience. His healing is in you! Love, Juliann
Dearest Charlotte,
I am praying for you as well as so many other wonderful ladies. The Lord God gave this verse to me several days ago. It was a much needed one for me. Just now, I asked God what to say to you. It is the verse He gave me and is for you now.
Zephaniah 3:17: The Lord God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with His love. He will rejoice over you with singing.
Love,Andrea
Charlotte, I’m sorry for your disappointment and pain. Praying for special comfort and encouragement for you as you move through this.
Dear charlotte, I am praying for you evert day. I wish I could be there to give you a hug. We mothers of four sons are strong.God knows the strong ones and he picked you to be one of them. My love to you……
cousin Greta
Glad you are going to the Wellness House. If you want me to meet you there, just give me a call. It is literally around the corner from me. I enjoy going to Yoga there twice a week and meeting others who are going through this. There is a special bond with those who cancer has touched and I hope that it will be an encouragement to you. There is also a wonderful Christian support group that I attend once a month called Mid Atlantic Cancer Support Group where you will meet cancer patients filled with faith and hope and a very positive attitude. I am so sorry you are having to endure another round of chemo. I, too, wish the doctor had said you are dismissed, but I know the doctors want to insure the best possible outcome for you. Patience is difficult when you aren’t feeling your best. But the day will come when this will all be behind you and you will be talking with someone who is going through it trying to give them courage and faith for their next step. I am not letting you out of my prayers until I get the all clear sign from you. Much love, Betty