In three and a half years, three baby boys arrived into my young home.  You could say it was a whirlwind of love, fun and 24 hour a day action. As much as I treasured it, I’ll admit I had wishes it would move on so I could breathe. Indeed the season that followed was a breather.  Finally everyone could do the basics (wipe their own bottom, get into their own car seat, and put on their own shoes). I had little concept of the altogether different but equally massive challenge waiting for me down the road.  To pop out babies back to back seems like a breeze compared to facing 7^th grade every other year.

 

I have excellent boys, not to toot my own horn; they are nothing short of a gift from God, Who has poured His grace and mercy over us for the last 16 years. However, even the best of the best can offer unique challenges in middle school.  Until that point my children were eager to please, they believed we had worthy things to say, they valued us and were very likely to spend less than 85% of their lives on their cell phones and Facebook.

 

Up to that point, it might have been normal for them to say to their friends, “my mom makes me go to bed at 10 PM.”  Whereas when they reach 7^th grade they are likely to say to you, “no one goes to bed at 10, no one eats …, no one …” Suddenly everything you have had influence over in the life of your child comes up against what “everybody else” does.  You find yourself saying things that are harsher than you’ve ever said before like, “I don’t care about everybody else.”  Your kids are likely to respond, “I thought you said we should love everybody else,” and perhaps back it with scripture you taught them.

 

It’s a period where everything you have trained your children to accept as truth can be misused and thrown in your face.  For example, you may tell your young child (to protect them) “you never have to do anything you don’t want to.”  Your 7^th grader is likely to remind you of that comment when he doesn’t want to do his pre algebra assignment.

 

I have discovered that what makes it most challenging is the fact that it is the beginning of you letting go and the beginning of them taking on.  For example, maybe you have enjoyed music in your home, whether is Christian like mine, or music from your generation, whatever.  It has never been challenged until your 7^th grader shows up with ‘the hot new sound’.  For me, I faced this with complete opposition at first, “We will not have those lyrics in this house!” I was completely unaware of the fact that I was entering a new phase of life, a phase where I would be making changes about how I parent the individual God has loaned me.  I was entering a season where I would be reevaluating what I thought life would look like.  I was no longer making decisions I was contributing to decisions in a relationship with an individual who is becoming his own man; the man God has designed him to be.

 

A few ideas have helped me:

 

• Be Prepared

Know that this is a time of change.  Let your dreams and expectations be replaced with God’s plan for your child.

 

• Be Teachable

The person you are dealing with is an individual, with his own generation to navigate through.  Listen to the Holy Spirit and be prepared to make major course changes.

 

• Pray

Talk to God constantly and know that He hears you and loves to give you the desires of your heart.  Remember He loves your child more than you do.  This is a season where He is going to have the most influence.  Pray for your child’s peers, teachers, people who will come alongside your child when you can’t.  Pray they will get caught and believe they will so you don’t have to worry.

 

• Take a time out

Talk to God before you talk to your child.  They still want to please you, even if it seems like they have no respect for you, they do.  The best influence comes through our words to God and His conviction of the heart.

 

• Forgive

Seven times Seventy!  Give them a clean slate everyday and accept the one God is offering you.  Don’t beat yourself up if you blow it or need to make a fresh start.

• Let them make mistakes, they will learn that you were right when they have to face shame, guilt and regret; but sometimes they need to do just that.  They will appreciate what Christ did for us when they need it.

 

• Communicate

This is a phase of life where they are likely going to think, “You hate all my friends, music, words, pastimes and many more things.”  Ask them to tell you what they are feeling. Sometimes I lose sight of how I sound.

 

• Don’t buy Society’s low bar!

 

See Charlotte’s Heart Reader Resources

 

The Rebelution

 

Colossians 3:21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

As a mother of teens, I beat it into the hearts of my children that they can come to me with anything.  However, it wasn’t until I had found myself in the safety net of a white lie that I realized how hard telling the truth can be.

 

“We all make mistakes,” I tell my children, “if you come to us and tell us, things will be a lot better off.” I discovered how much easier that is said than done.

 

My (then) kindergartner, shared with me, as I was putting him to bed, that a boy in is class was not being nice to him.  You can imagine how I felt; I sent my  precious little child out of the nest, and then he told me someone hurt him. You bet I was upset, even if it was my 4^th son!  “But please don’t tell my teacher,” he added.

 

“Gulp, are you out of your mind?  I have to tell your tell your teacher, you are my little boy, I love you. She is with you during the day when I am not, she can watch over you and correct this issue properly,” I thought. However, I stayed quiet, as I was relishing in the fact that my child was confiding in me.  He had asked me not to tell, but I had to tell for his best interest.

 

The next day I discreetly had a quick meeting with the teacher and to my surprise, my son immediately asked, “Did you tell her what I asked you not to?”

 

I am an Honest Abe, so it was shocking that I answered, “No.”  Excuse me, I lied, “No.”  I lied to my son.  He knows I am not a liar, so he didn’t give my answer a second thought; he took my word for it.  Over the next 24 hours the weight of my guilt and the pain of my dishonesty began to hurt.  I had lied and it was creating division in a once trusting relationship.

 

The next day my son got in the car after school, I had reached the breaking point with my sin; I blurted out, “I did tell your teacher what you asked me not to.”  As you can imagine he immediately started to cry; not because I was dishonest, but because I had done what he asked me not to.  I can’t stand his crying, and I felt so guilty for doing what he asked me not to do, especially when he had confided in me!  I broke his confidence and I was facing the consequences of doing what I was told not to. I didn’t like it, but telling the truth was liberating.

 

After my own lie, I thought about how casual I am when I ask my teens to be honest and how difficult that must be in reality; especially if they have crossed a big line.  I realized that as much as I desire them to come to me, I am likely to get upset; just as my little boy had been with me. At the same time, I realize how critical honesty is, even if it leads to hurt, it is better than a lie.

 

The same little boy came to me recently and said, “Mommy I spilled in your new car.”  My immediate response was, “thank you so much for telling me because if I had stumbled upon that, I would have been upset, but now I know and I am prepared.”  We all know what it’s like to find something out, vs. having someone tell us.  It takes courage to come forward and admit something, especially when we have done something wrong. It will hurt the person we have wronged much less if we are upfront, instead of having them stumble upon the truth.  Two wrongs don’t make a right and a lie can lead to another lie and another lie and I am so thankful I don’t know the result of that.

 

If you are close to me and my heart (and as a reader you are), be prepared to get caught.  I pray regularly for my loved ones (and myself) to get caught in anything we are doing that is wrong.  Living with a clean conscience is such a gift and if it means we need to get exposed in our darkness, it is worth it.  Momentary shame that can be forgiven and washed clean is far better than a life lived in fear of being exposed.

 

Who would God have you come clean with?  Ask Him, and then ask Him for the courage, and the grace to do the right thing.  If I had not told my son the truth about what I did to betray his trust, we would forever have that barrier between us.  He knows now, I may not always do the right thing, but he can count on me to be forthright with him.  I have his trust and that is more valuable than having him be pleased with me thinking I did the right thing when I didn’t.

 

Genesis 18:9-15  “Where is your wife Sarah?” they asked him.

 

“There, in the tent,” he said.

 

Then the Lord said, “I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son.”

 

Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. Abraham and Sarah were already old and well advanced in years, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?”

 

Then the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child, now that I am old?’ Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year and Sarah will have a son.”

 

Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, “I did not laugh.”

 

But he said, “Yes, you did laugh.”

 

Proverbs 19:5  A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who pours out lies will not go free.

 

John 8:32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

 

Thank you God for forgiving us and offering us a fresh start every day!

Recently my family moved while my husband was undergoing a monumental change and unbelievably stressful situation at work.

At one point in the process I had a slight spell of feeling sorry for myself for various reasons (which never fails to include how lonesome it is being the only female in the house). My husband’s response to my little tirade made it clear to me that if I wanted the move to happen (which I did) I was going to have to bear the brunt of load on my own.  He simply had no room to add anything to his work requirements.

So, I shifted gears. I set out, as best as I possibly could, to handle the move while making our home-life a sanctuary from the pressure cooker my husband was dealing with at the office.

Mark 11:25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. "

 

The moment it was clear I was to speak on forgiveness, God provided an opportunity for me to live what I believe.

In our family there is a mom, a dad, 4 sons, a dog, two cats, a frog, a lot of fish and possibly other things I don’t know about.  None of us get a ton of attention but each of get a lot of love.

 

When I take my dog to the vet and they ask me little details about her life, I have to remember that for a lot of people, a dog is all someone has and it is quite normal to treat it as though it is an only child. I remind my vet of all the love we have in our house and simply say, “I don’t know the answer about her last BM.”  Am I a bad mother, if you met everyone in my home, I bet you’d say no.

 

Gibson and Wilson our kitty cats, were born outside, and stayed outside until we were able to take them from their mama and bring them into our home.  Each one was the size of our hand. We kept them indoors for their safety. As they began to mature, they craved the outdoors.  As a mother of four boys, I am in tune to the nature of males and it was clear these boys had things to conquer in the wild.

In their own way each boy believed he was king of the jungle as well as king of the castle.

 

When we moved recently we were rather amazed that Gibson had daily activities about a mile up the road. We never saw him in the street and whatever it he did, clearly mattered a lot to him.  On rare occasion he did not come in at night, but in the morning when the gang woke me for the AM feeding, he’d be sitting at the door, “I home.”  Most nights however, he’d stay in after his roundabout; he has a favorite blanket on my son's bed.

 

When a week went by and Gibson didn’t come, home we began to feel it.  It is normal of outdoor cats to stay away a bit but this was too long. I called my vet who is local to see if by any chance, he had been in.

 

“Yes, Mrs. Cole, I feel pretty certain someone brought him in over the weekend, we’ll give her a call,” they said.  When they returned they said, “It seems she has given him away, but knows to whom, she is contacting them right now, please hang on another minute.”

 

Something went wrong and when they got back to me they said sweetly, “Mrs. Cole, you’ll need to take this up with animal control.”

 

They let me know he was alive but it appeared that the person who had my cat was not going to give him back.

 

It wasn’t an immediate response but when a few hours went by and I began to realize what was happening my blood began to boil.  Not only was he my boy, a part of my family, but in reality he had been picked out of the litter, named and nurtured by my 12 year old son.  You’ve heard of an angry mama bear, well that’s about how I felt.

 

I had to call the police, when animal control told me we were dealing with a theft.  The vet could not give me any names, but I knew they could give them to the police.  It would be cut and dry, or so I thought.  When I didn’t hear from the police I had a feeling my local paper could help, and they wanted to.

 

One of my neighbors showed up at my door.  She was terribly distraught as the police had shown up at her house; she had been named by the woman who picked Gibson up initially.  She was blood boiling mad, and though I had nothing to do with naming her she was furious at me, calling a lawyer and all sorts of things I am not used to.

 

My heart was broken, I was being mistreated, not only by someone keeping a piece of my heart, but now by a neighbor who more than once brought me to tears with her vehement anger about her implications.

 

I couldn’t sleep, I was devastated. I cried out to the Lord and this is what He said.

 

Luke 6:27

²⁷"But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,

²⁸bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

Colossians 3:13 Forgive as the Father has forgiven you.

It was clear what His perspective was, but how?  How could I love someone who had mistreated me in such a way to my face and whom I had little doubt was capable of something so cold-hearted like keeping my son’s cat.

 

Matthew 18:21-22

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Matthew 6:14-16

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

 

All the verses and examples I had lined up for my talk on forgiveness, took on a whole new meaning.  I decided to forgive and to love, even though I was struggling with accomplishing it.

 

Deciding to do it, gave me no room to camp in my bitterness whatsoever. It was clear my resentment towards someone that the Lord loved was a major sin and regardless of the size of the wrong, I had to forgive.

 

Matthew 13

²⁶"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' ²⁷The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

²⁸"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.

²⁹"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'

³⁰"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.

For my talk I had been wrapped up in the incomprehensible crime committed, out of the bitterness of one man’s heart; against the precious Amish community in Lancaster PA, in 2006.  More incomprehensible than what Charles Roberts did to the least of these; was the response of the Amish community.   From the scene of the crime where 10 of their little girls had been executed or wounded, the fathers, grandfathers, and elders of the community loaded up their buggy and went to the home of the assailant to love and care for his wife and children.  From the scene of the crime!  How could I hold someone in contempt for keeping my cat?

 

Another example was the five American missionaries who went to Ecuador and were brutally speared to death by a savage Stone Age tribe of Indians and yet two years later, the wife and sister of two of the murdered missionaries walked into the jungle to live with the same people who had murdered the men they loved. As a result, the Aucas (now known as the Waodani) are a changed people.

 

After deciding to obey the Lord, diving into scripture, looking to Godly role models, I can say I have not only forgiven this person, but I can genuinely pray blessings over her and her family.

 

It is liberating to let my cat go, to love one who was once my enemy and to honor God, no matter how I feel.

 

I wonder if you struggle in areas of forgiveness too.   I hope you can do what I did and live in the freedom I feel today.

 

1. Agree with what the bible says and intend to obey the word of God.
2. 

James 1

²²Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. ²³Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror ²⁴and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. ²⁵But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does

 

Remember the forgiveness you received freely from God

 

Mark 11:25

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

 

Pray, the Lord’s Prayer

 

Matthew 6:19

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

 

Speak it; let it out of your mouth so you will have accountability.  "I am going to forgive ..."

 

Put yourself in another’s shoes; ask the Lord for His compassion.

Find a role model to follow

 

Luke 23:54

“Forgive them Father for they know not what they do”

 

Acts 7: 59-60

⁵⁹While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, "Lord Jesus, receive my spirit." ⁶⁰Then he fell on his knees and cried out, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them." When he had said this, he fell asleep.

• The Amish
• Elisabeth Elliot
• Corrie ten Boom
• The Lord
• 
  

^{Movies to inspire:  End of The Spear, Fire Proof, Amish Grace}

 

1 Corintians 13:13  And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.